For so long we've been close enough to be sisters, and yet i still even begin to imagine how this must be for your mom or sister, or any other of the family that were always so close and there to watch you grow up. i still regret the way evrything had to happen, i wish i could of atleast had the chance to tell you how much you actually mean to me, although its more then i could have ever made it out to be. you mean more to me then any other friend of mine. you are the only one thats ever been close enough to actually consider a sister. your house was always my house away from home, and your family was practically a second family to me. you were the only person i had who i coult tell everything too even if i never told you that directly or made it clear enough for you to see. even the friends i called "best friends" were just any other person compared to you. and with all thats happened in the past year you are actually one of my only friends remaining. i didnt even have the friends to just chyll with, but that didnt matter because i still had my select friends that i needed. now i dont even have those people, im becoming so distant from even those who were right after you in the order in which my friends go. and now i have no one, because you were the most important person to ever enter my life and the fact that you had to leave so soon kills me more than i can express to anyone. im trying so hard, and only you know how many tears i shed over you, because noone else could handle me near as good as you could. you were my getaway my escape from reality, and my reason for trying to better myself. i wanted to be a good role model as much as i mess up. i guess i failed at that, and maybe i failed you as a friend, i was never that great at our friendship, and i regret it now. even with all you found everyway to look up to me, when what you didnt know was i was looking up to you, even though you were so much younger then me. you were so careless and i envied the fact you were so young, i wanted to be back to the times when we were singing pink songs on sem ave. in our bathing suits when the world was our stage and back to the times where we believed we were witches, well pretended we believed. these were the times our friendship was greatest, screw age. i hated the fact we became so distant. i was already so alone. you had your whole life ahead of you.
speaking of; i havnt mentioned the fact today is your birthday, ive actually been avoiding that very topic. if you couldnt tell. because well can i really say happy birthday while meaning it? maybe im more negative then most of the people who write to you but the fact i dont get to experienc your growing up or eve worse you dont get tow experience it, doesnt make for a happy day atleast not for me.
its weird, because as im writing, it seems the songs that play on my ipod are playing at theright times. first, Dont Be So Hard On Yourself and now Big Girls Dont Cry, probably just a coincidence but still.
anyway back to your birthday, i wish you were here for me to go down and celebrate it with you. as i was there for your third birthday party and most afterwards. well as unhappy as today will be for alot of people i hope you are atleast having a blast celebrating because you deserve it. and remeber, just as you are here in spirit with us, all your friends and family are in spirit with you also. so party it up. first one asleep gets messed up. ha. but you dont have to wrry about that you are always the very last one asleep. definaly the life and smile of all parties. definately my smile. so please bring my smile back.
well today is going to be hard for alot of people so dana, help those who helped you in your life time. especially uour mom and deifnately jessica, you are the light of their lives and theyre so proud of you. trust me! they have every reason to be. you are so kind hearte and you grew into such a beautiful young lady in there 13 years.
i still cant fathom the idea of not seeing you but i know you will live on always, i will make it my life foal. to make thathappen. you're my EVERYTHING as cliche as those words alwayssound, but i can honestly say is not only trade anything but everything just to speak to you one last time and know you're okay.
well dana, im always speaking to youeven if i never hear you back i know you're litening to every word i have to say, i love you. and am only longing for the day i can see you again. hopefully that day will come. hopefully theres a place to go after this life. becayse i cant imagine the last time i saw you being the way this friendship ends. i miss you and all that was, and i will never stop.
see you in my dreams to come, hopefully.
goodnight dee.
i will speak to you later todayy<3333333333.
